Return on Investment

Happiness is a chore.

When I say this, I don’t mean that it is a dull, unpleasant task. Rather, my statement is meant to convey that it takes a deliberate time investment and sustained focus.

Depending somewhat on personality and circumstance, I believe happiness comes more easily to some than others. In my case, ensuring my happiness levels remain relatively stable requires consistent effort. Failure to do so results in emotional numbness (at best) – at worst, in depression.

To be clear, I do not believe that there are happy people and unhappy ones. I do not believe things are that binary or that happiness is down to luck. Still, I do believe that certain individuals have to work at it a bit more – whatever the reasons.

I didn’t always see things this way. In fact, prior to completing the ‘The Science of Well-Being’ course at YALE, I believed happiness happened naturally and that there was something wrong with me when I just wasn’t “feeling it.” At that point, I had read books on self-love, had practiced saying affirmations in the mirror (cue Stewart Smalley from Saturday Night Live) and had stood in the shower imagining the stream of water as drops of love until the water went bitterly cold – all with little effect.

Since then, I’ve learned that no matter where one naturally falls on the happiness spectrum, everyone can up their joy quotient.

While there are some basic concepts that contribute to one’s well-being, the happiness formula is different for each person. I know this because I have tried pretty much every recommended technique thought to increase one’s contentment – with mixed results.

What has fallen flat? Journaling for one – which I find ironic since writing generally gives me joy. Other than this blog, which I put together when I have a point to make, I’ve never been one to write just for the sake of it. Some might argue that I only enjoy the type of writing that I can “control” – but let’s leave my therapist out of this.

Exercise has been off limits for so long that I have grown both fearful of it and apathetic to it – though I do remember the powerful endorphins jogging used to give me. To this day, I am convinced that running helped fend off my deep depression 4 years ago for at least several months.

So, what has worked to elevate my level of joy?

Meditation. Not the typical meditation where you focus on your breath or affirm love and acceptance. My mind checks out of those meditations by the first exhale. Still, I have found a form of meditation that works for me. It works so well, in fact, that I fall asleep most nights doing it. I count… Backwards… By set intervals… It relaxes my brain while keeping it just focused enough to prevent my mind from wandering.

Gratitude. Again, I don’t follow the standard practice of starting or ending my day by writing down things I am grateful for. Rather, while Lily drifts off to sleep, I think about the things that made my day special. It could be something as simple as the sunshine or warmer temperatures, a nice walk at lunchtime, or hearing my favorite song on the radio. I embrace my list for what it contains – not in order to convince myself I should be happy or to shame myself for being unhappy in that moment.

Sunshine & Luminosity. Sitting in the sunshine has always been my happy place. It helps me feel energized and fuels me. I go out of my way to seek it out. Even if I am working or if it is frigid outside, I will do my utmost to sit in the rays flowing through the window. On overcast or short winter days, I use a luminosity lamp to give my soul what it needs.

Quitting Social Media. I quit Facebook for a few months…long enough to break the habit of scrolling through my feed multiple times a day. While I did come back to it in order to promote awareness about Eating Disorders, I have managed to keep it contained and at arm’s length. It is not accessible on my phone and I don’t pay much attention to my feed. In pulling away and changing the focus of my social media use, I have reduced its power and boosted my happiness.

These things, when done together, have proven to positively contribute to my mood and general happiness level. But they require consistent effort. If I skip one or more of these for a few days, I notice. Hence my opening statement about having to work at happiness.

It is a chore – at least for me. But, given the benefits, it is at the top of my list.

Beats cleaning toilets!