Bird Box

The Netflix film, Bird Box, is getting a lot of hype these days.

If you have not heard about it, here is the basic premise. An unknown phenomenon starts to take over the world, causing people to turn violent, go mad and, ultimately, end their lives. The only constant is that people commit suicide after seeing “something” – a creature, an unknown force, it is a mystery. As a result, the world is forced to hoard supplies, shut out life, and wear blindfolds whenever they dare to go outside.

Much of the flak the movie is getting these days centers around its depiction of mental illness and suicide. I won’t go into the details but suffice to say that my interest in the story was piqued while my desire to watch the movie significantly waned.

So I read the book…

…in 2 days.

I was captivated from the start, hungry to learn the cause of the phenomenon, to better understand how the protagonists got to where they were, and eager to see if they would be successful in their mission to reach “safety.” The story didn’t just entertain me, it got me thinking.

First, while there has been much negative press about the fact that the characters in the film with mental illnesses are immune to the “evil creatures,” I see it a bit differently than most.

Sure, I suppose you could focus on the fact that the story implies that people with mental illnesses are already “crazy” so the creatures cannot affect them. And perhaps the film portrays people with mental illness unfairly. Having no intention of watching it, I cannot comment. What I will say is that I find the fact that the one character in the book who may have a mental illness does not “go mad” is a testament to his strength. Anyone who has battled a mental illness is a gladiator – whose strength is demonstrated every day. So I like to think that the reason the aforementioned character can live freely with these evil forces without losing his mind is not because his mind is already lost. Rather, it is because he has built up a mental, emotional and physical strength through his own battles that enables him to keep the demons at bay. Put simply, he is stronger than most.

Still, I’ll leave this debate to the Internet “gods”.

Beyond this point, reading the book triggered a few other thoughts – particularly about Anorexia recovery.

There are days when I feel like the characters in the book, fighting to keep a powerful destructive force out of my home and, definitely out of my sight. In my story, the negative creature is Anorexia (anorexic thoughts, behaviours and the tiny voice inside my head that whispers….restrict!). I am always at risk of “seeing it” and losing my healthy self.

Some days, I am tempted to do what the protagonists do in the book, shut out the world. Blacken the windows, lock the doors and shelter myself from everyone and everything. It feels safer.

This is when depression sets in.

Other days, I go out into the world, refusing to let anything stop me from living. But, in a sense, I always wear a blindfold to try to keep me from “seeing” my old friend anorexia and running into its comforting arms. My blindfold takes on many forms, distraction, therapy, family and friends – anything that can help me from falling into the trap I know so well. And the trap that has caught many around the world.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about finding a magical pot of gold and going to a treatment center for 3 months. Few would probably see the appeal. You leave your life behind and move into an unknown place with strangers and work on healing. For me, I think it represents an opportunity to take refuge in a recovery haven where you look Anorexia right in the eye every day for months, with no opportunity to fall into its grasp. Some would say it is running away and there are no guarantees it will be successful. Others might say it is selfish – to leave my family when outpatient options exist. Certainly, my bank account and my current employer would say it is less than ideal.

And maybe all those things are true.

What I do know is that, like the lead character in the book, Malorie, I cannot stay in my current state forever. Eventually, something will have to change in order to attain a better, healthier existence. Making this change will require more strength and courage than I have ever had to muster. It will be petrifying at times and it will hurt. But, I will look Anorexia in the eye at some point…and I won’t blink, I won’t fall backward.

Keep rowing Malorie…I am…