LESSONS

“Some of your biggest mistakes are worth it if they teach you important  lessons that you can pass on to your girls and save them pain down the road.” – Anonymous

Someone said this to me a little while ago and it really hit home. The past year has allowed me to teach my girls the things I have been discovering while embracing the lessons they have for me.

Perfection

“What did we learn about perfection girls?”

A soft voice from the backseat answers: “It doesn’t exist.”

That’s right my sweet Zoe. Shoot for the stars, apply yourself and always give it your best. But don’t spend your life beating yourself up if you are not the best at everything. And don’t limit yourself to the things you excel at. Persevere, try, keep trying but don’t go to the ends of the earth in pursuit of something that does not exist.

Be in the moment

“Breathe, my little Lily. Don’t worry about Daycare tomorrow. We are having fun coloring and cuddling. We can deal with Daycare in the morning. Stressing about it now won’t change anything. All it will do is prevent you from enjoying our time together, right now.”

This is a big life lesson. Worrying and getting worked up about something you either cannot change or is only a mere possibility robs you of living, steals away precious moments.

Be seen, be understood

This is something it took me decades to learn.  I have always known that people need human connections to survive and thrive. What I did not realize is that to connect with others – have true, powerful connections – you need to be seen for who you are and feel understood. There is nothing more lonely than keeping parts of yourself hidden and preventing others from understanding who you are and loving you – wobbly bits and all, quirky sides and all, faults and all.

Now that I know this, I encourage my girls to share their thoughts and feelings, to express who they are freely, to share their needs. Admittedly, I sometimes am too soft with them in my quest to embrace their true spirits but luckily I have a few people in my life that I can inspire myself from to find the right level of rigidity and authority. I am a work in progress here.

Zoe and Lily lessons

Just as I share my wisdom, I have now slowed down enough to see the lessons my girls can teach me. 

Laugh…ok, so they fight, they whine, they get angry, but our household is filled with laughter most of the time. The best laughter of all – deep belly-cramp giggles that are infectious and that make you smile when you hear them. The kind you would like to record and have as your daily soundtrack.

Forgive…there are times when the forgiveness starts more as a parental request. But young children generally do not bear grudges. They seem better at separating the act from the person. 

Embrace who you are. The other day, Zoe looked at herself in the mirror and said: “I’m fabulous” just as Lily ran through the house naked asking me to look at her big, big belly, beaming with pride. Really, need I say more about this? I wish we all kept this level of unblemished self-confidence, this lack of questioning ourselves and just knowing deep within our souls how wonderful we are. 

Do we have more to learn? Yes. Will we sometimes realize that some of these lessons are a bit Utopian? Yes. But something amazing happened this week. I was driving Zoe to school and explaining to her why Tuesdays were a bit stressful due to the weigh-ins. I told her I was ok for this week but was worried about next week. She looked at me and said:

“But Mommy, how can you be worried about next week when it is not even next week yet.”

And so the student teaches the master. Well done, Jedi Zoe!