THE C-WORD

I’ve touched on control a little in previous posts so you likely know that we are long-time friends. Feeling in control has always been my solace. It didn’t matter if I actually had control. As long as I felt I did, I could tackle the world. Over the years, I found many ways to gain a sense of control: planning, studying/working hard, being prepared for every possible scenario, and restricting what I ate. These techniques served me well – or so I thought – until they suddenly stopped working. Petrified, I panicked and desperately tried to regain a sense of control, planning more, restricting more, and making irrational decisions.

I did all this without realizing it. But, once my control patterns stopped working and my life started to go off track, I was forced to face facts. I, Christina Peikert, was a control freak and, without a sense of control, I literally started to freak out. Some, Katherine Peikert, might call this stating the obvious, but for me, it was like a light bulb lit up. So many things started to fall into place. My erratic behavior was suddenly explained. Armed with this new awareness and determined to never go back to my lowest point, I decided to experiment a little. Maybe, just maybe, I need to try letting go.

I started slow. First, I had breakfast without measuring every Cheerio (living on the edge!). Then I ate a hotdog for lunch instead of throwing it out. Then I had a chocolate chip muffin at Tim’s and said yes to a second cookie for dessert. No brainers for some, these tiny steps felt daunting in the beginning. But, every time I let go a little, I felt lighter and energized to do it again. Feeling bold, I then took this experiment beyond food.

The Daily Challenge

I decided I would do one thing every day that was out of my control. Zoe and I wrote down a list of activities I could do and put each one on a small piece of paper. We folded them up and put them in a jar. Every night, Zoe would pick a paper from the jar and I would have to do whatever activity was written on it the following day.

The first round included:

• Going to the movies at a random time and see whatever was playing (Halle Berry, I want my 2 hrs back);
• Spending a few hours at Starbucks reading and eating my favorite blueberry scone;
• Going to the park alone and swinging with abandon. In heels of course!;
• Taking  a cooking class (ok, I walked out of this one but c’mon, they were making pizza. Pizza!!!)

Every day, I gave up a bit of control. And, every day, I got stronger, happier, more relaxed.

So, I am going to keep doing it and see what happens. I just started a second jar filled with activities. Today, I have to record myself singing – apologies to anyone that has gone karaoke with me for the painful flashbacks this post might cause 😉

In the meantime, any suggestions for what I should do next?