Finding Wonder Woman

About 2 months ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I knew better than the doctors; I wouldn’t listen to my family and friends. I quit the Day Program I was in for eating disorders and I convinced myself that going back to work would fix everything. I would simply step back into my old life and all would be fine…like nothing ever happened. Good plan, right?

What I didn’t count on was that my old life didn’t exist anymore. Work had changed, people had changed, and without realizing it, I had changed. I thought if I could control my recovery (more on control later), everything would fall into place. I, Christina Peikert, Queen of options and plans, had a plan. And then, suddenly, I didn’t. On the eve of my target return to work date, I was hit with the painful reality that my plan sucked. Big time.

Really? I was just gonna go back to work, where finding time to eat is a challenge, where stress is sky high and where naps (a daily occurrence for me at that time) are highly discouraged – even if you do it covertly under your desk (COSTANZA!). Looking back, I have to laugh at how flawed my solution was but, at the time, it was devastating to see it all fall to pieces. I had worked so hard the previous 5 months scaling my own personal mountain and it turned out that all that work had only gotten me to the base. Scared and heartbroken, I had no idea how to start to climb again.

I had failed…and I had refused to see it coming. I felt lost and desperately wanted to give up. My friends rallied and took me to get help. I met a new psychiatrist, Fred, and for the first time, I truly felt understood and seen. He helped me start to reboot and find my fighting spirit.

And that is when I found Wonder Woman: a plastic doll I picked up in my friend’s car and held in my lap as I left the hospital for the second time in 5 months after having suicidal thoughts (I am happy to say they are gone…for good). Somehow she gave me the strength I need to take the first baby steps on my current path. I accepted to stay off work indefinitely. I started to work on self-love, on my desperate need for control and on living a life with no plan. And right now, I am in a really good place.  I am happier than I have been for a while and I am going back to Day Treatment. Stay tuned for stories from there!

This new path began with Wonder Woman…who knows where it will lead. But, if I had my pick, it would be to Ryan Reynolds as the Green Lantern!