Give me a “C”

« You screwed it all up! » « You should have done better!» « Why can’t you get anything right? »

Ah, yes. The inner Critic. The all-too-familiar voice that pops up to tarnish your achievements, lower your self-confidence and bring you down.

We all have an inner Critic. For some, it shows up infrequently; for others, it is a constant presence. It may whisper or scream, sound disappointed or angry.

Mine has a German accent and refers to me by my last name: « come ON Peikert! Back in the game!!!! NOW! »

Whether your inner critic is particularly harsh or more mild, it is often hard to relinquish its power over you because it has served an important purpose in our lives.

It drives us to aim higher, learn from our mistakes, improve, grow and achieve. What’s wrong with that, right? Nothing.

There is nothing wrong with the ultimate goal of the inner Critic. It is the approach that is harmful.

I’ve been toying with the idea of the inner critic for a few months, wondering about the role it should play in my life. I like succeeding, doing well and achieving, so saying goodbye to my inner critic and take my chances didn’t really appeal to me.

Hmmmm…could there be another way? A voice that could help propel me further but with an encouraging tone? One that sits on the sidelines and motivates me rather than tear me down and bark orders?

That is when I discovered the inner Cheerleader. Before you dismiss this concept altogether, assuming the cheerleader is soft and meek and all sunshine and rainbows, think again.

The purpose of the inner Cheerleader is not to placate, gloss-over mistakes or lead you to complacency. Far from it! It’s goal is, in fact, the same as the inner Critic: to help you improve and grow.

But, rather than beat you down with harsh words, it plays the role of an honest friend or mentor. Consider it the inner critic’s filter. It takes the harshest critique and boils it down to the essence of the message, and then plays it back in a compassionate way that inspires you to dig deep and shoot for more.

Not sure about the difference between the two?

Let’s take the example of when you bomb a presentation:

Inner Critic: «What a disaster! You stumbled at the beginning and lost your audience. Can’t you go anything right? You will never get them to agree to your proposal. Get your act together! Work harder and go back to the next meeting with your head in the game! Do it or quit. No one likes losers. »

Inner Cheerleader: « Ok, that was not great. You got off to a rocky start and that shook your confidence; then the people in the room became disengaged. But your proposal is a good one. So, prep again, seek out allies before the meeting, and trust yourself. You can do this. You have nailed presentations before and you will again. But you gotta be focused and believe in yourself. You can do it! »

I’ll admit, I’m still trying this out and am a bit skeptical. But I will keep listening. After all, it is a lot easier to soar when you are starting with two feet firmly on the ground rather than when you are beaten down on the floor.

Inner Cheerleader: « come on Christina, get back in the game. You can do this! »