PERSPECTIVE

I have it all.

Before you choke on your coffee, let me explain.

Sure, I no longer have the posh job, with the salary that went with it. I don’t travel to great places, staying in hotels that – even in the days of corporate cash containment, I wouldn’t book if I were traveling on my own dime.  And yes, I am still too thin and flunked out of Food school. But I really do have it all. And here’s why.

I have parents who not only moved house to be closer to their grandchildren, but who never cease to surprise me with their warmth, generosity and care. I have family and friends that challenge me, support me, entertain me, check in on me and remember each milestone – big or small. I have people in my life that are interesting, knowledgeable and who have many lessons to teach me.

I have 2 amazing, funny, smart, kind girls whose faces light up when they see me. Some days, they are so excited when I pick them up, it is as though I have been gone for a week rather than a few hours. They are healthy, they are happy and they love me unconditionally – even when my singing annoys them or when I am frustrated or when I botch the chocolate chip muffin recipe…again!

I have my weekends and my weeknights, free from work and from the overwhelming desire to constantly check my phone. Free from the overwhelming pressure I used to put on myself to always be “on”.

I have music! Songs that I always loved but somehow stopped listening to. Yes, they were on in the background but I stopped really hearing them, stopped feeling the emotions and energy they could bring. I simply couldn’t hear them with the torrent of thoughts going on in my head, with the scenarios I kept playing over in my mind. Now, with a much clearer brain, I can hear again.

I have endless bubble baths and a fire place, and shoes, and NetFlix and Starbucks, and an occasional dessert.

I have knowledge and a level of self-awareness that I’ve never had before. I have understanding and I have a therapist who is making a difference in my life. I have new insights and I have personal growth.

I have the material things, I have the vacations by the beach, and I have the peace of mind required to enjoy the sunsets.

And ok, I’ll admit I don’t have my full health right now. But I am not alone and I have lots of fight still left in me.

So, yes, I have it all