Badass

You’re a badass…

I am no stranger to therapy. And, one of the things I hear a lot in my sessions is the importance of letting go and “listening” to the universe, a higher power, God, or whatever you want to call it.

I’ll admit to a certain amount of skepticism about this universe business. But, recently, I’ve been finding myself thinking about it a lot.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling unsure of myself. I went onto my iPad to write a blog and the first words I saw were: “You’re a badass.”

My first reaction was to stop and agree with the statement. Yes, yes I am. And, while I agreed with the words, they seemed to come out of nowhere – until I remembered it is the title of a book someone recommended.

That entire day, I felt badass. I was confident, I was happy and I was strong. Maybe it was a pure coincidence. Maybe not. But whatever it was, it changed the entire dynamic of my day.

Hmmm…

When I started the coaching program, I was afraid. After almost a year of being off work, much of which was spent in a haze of deprivation, and after a failed attempt to return to work, I was unsure I could cope mentally with the courseload. On the first day, I skipped breakfast so was feeling a bit weak and particularly doubtful about my abilities. I was lost in negative thoughts when the professor – almost as though she was reading my thoughts – broke my reverie by saying: “each of you is a fascinating individual and we were thoroughly impressed by your applications, your wealth of experience and backgrounds. If we didn’t think you should be here, we would not have selected you to be part of the program.”

Hmmm again.

Now, I can’t say that I’ve been converted into a very spiritual person. I tend to skim the higher power sections in the various self-help books I read. But, I have to admit that there may be some truth to the notion that being more present allows us to hear messages we may have ignored before.

I’ve been encouraged to get more in touch with who I am, what I need, etc. My response has always been, sure thing, what is the step-by-step process to do that. Apparently, it doesn’t work that way. I need to slow down…listen…wait…listen…wait some more…

Ok! I sit down, put on some music, breathe and just wait…Nothing….I’m so frustrated with myself…I cannot hear anything. No inner voice, no inner child…Maybe I’m broken….I have nothing to tell myself…All I hear is my stomach grumbling….

Oh…

Hello body; hello hunger. It has been a while since I allowed myself to hear you. Maybe I’ll start with listening to you and see what happens….