Fear is such a fascinating emotion. It can propel you to action or it can stop you in your tracks and keep you stuck for weeks, months or even years. Some people crave it, living off its natural high; others avoid it at all costs, shying away from the discomfort it creates.
I scare easily. I’m so often lost in my own thoughts, that I don’t notice people around me and jump when they come into view. It was always so easy for my sister to scare the hell out of me when we were kids. She hid everywhere around the house and I fell for it every time. My reaction to being scared must be amusing because she hid a lot…then Charles took over the scaring duties in my adult years…and now Zoe does it daily. She loves sneaking up on me.
Sky diving? Not unless it is SkyVenture. Bungee jumping? Not on your life. Horror movies, no thank you! The films not only create a reaction at the time but have a longer effect. My brain seems to cling to the frightening images and replay them long after I’ve left the cinema or turned off the tv – in my dreams, when I’m home alone or when I am in the dark basement.
Scream, shake it off, have a stiff drink, get an alarm system, sleep with a baseball bat, etc…these things generally work to reduce day-to-day fears. But what happens if the thing you fear most isn’t addressed so easily.
Failure has long been my biggest fear. I’ve used hard work and, in some extreme cases where no amount of determination and practice could save me, avoidance to help ensure I didn’t fail. I postponed getting my driver’s license until I was 32 specifically to avoid flunking the test. I rarely cook – partially because I don’t enjoy it – but also because I am not good at it.
I know it is silly…of course I do. I know that great personal growth can come from making mistakes and falling down. I know that allowing fear to hold you back robs you of amazing experiences.
Fear has kept me in limbo for about a year now. Recently, my doctor said 2 things that helped me push fear aside:
- “Sitting on the fence won’t help you gain weight and get better.”
- “What is the worst thing that can happen if you try something new?”
So, I am parting ways with the only company I’ve ever known…the only place I’ve ever been successful…and the only place where colleagues turned into friends.
It is time for a fresh start. I’m not sure what will happen next. Will I fall flat on my face? Maybe. Will I be unhappy? Maybe. Will I find my wings and fly? We’ll see.
But I am giving fear the finger, becoming unstuck and jumping.
Let’s see what happens…
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